Babyshambles - Down in Albion: 16th November 2005

Track 12 - Albion: "If it comes undone, just paper over the cracks."

After scouring many backstreet websites in the arse end of the Internet I managed to procure a leaked copy of the debut release from Pete 'Kate Moss' boyfriend' Doherty and his 3 junkie mates, otherwise known to the tabloid media and people who are young enough to think the NME is 'like, well cool man' - as Babyshambles (pronounced 'disappointment').

Formed on the cusp of Doherty's inevitable self destruction and by stealing various members from various bands no-one outside of the London 'scene' (pronounced 'shite') would ever have heard of. Babyshambles have un-surprisingly failed to live up to the quite honestly cringe-worthy amount of adulation, false promise and general arse kissery lavished on them by the mainstream music press.

I promised myself not to listen to it with The Libertines (pronounced 'infallible') in mind, approach it with an open mind, judge it on it's own artistic merits and not to draw parallels with anything that had been before, no matter how I felt personally. But then I thought well how else can you consider something?

Surely all our judgements, favours and above all likes/dislikes are based upon interest, opinion and ultimately previous experience. Whether it is a musician who once played in a band you absolutely fell head over heels in love with one summer or whether it is that weird buy with the dodgy eye down your local who sold you that horrible home-grown Weed that smelt like mouldy milk and smoked even worse. You wouldn't go running to him the next weekend with your sweaty twenty pound note begging for more disappointment, so why should we not judge musicians on the way they have treated us in the past?

And how are things 'Down In Albion'? Well not good by the sounds of it.

Every track on the album virtually sounds the same; bear a few less-than-subtle tempo changes. Generic punk/mod/reggae/front cover of the NME type backing track with whiny tramp style vocals over the top from Doherty singing about himself and very little else. The redeeming tracks that do feature on it are welcome respite from the trash that 'shambles' around the rest of the album (Albion and Back from the Dead). However these tracks themselves are simply re-workings of old songs that have been doing the rounds on B-Sides and Bootlegs for the past twelve months and aren't anywhere near as good as their earlier incarnations.

It's conceited, self centred, sounds like it was recorded in someone's garage tripe that doesn't want to share anything with the listener whatsoever, why? Because there is nothing to share. It is an album recorded by 4 drug addicts struggling to come up with anything, let alone 'something'.

But then again isn't that what most Babyshambles fans want? If the bands websites and message boards are anything to run judgement on, Doherty is held in such God like status the thought of 16 tracks of Pete wailing aimlessly about his 'struggle' is enough to make their Topshop knickers moist with excitement.

Produced by Mick Jones, a man who it seems anyone within the music press would never even dare to question, the entire album lacks any sort of passion or genuine care for the art whatsoever. It has none of the immediacy or soul or smile inducing 'yes I will dance on that table with you' type of feeling that any of The Libertines material roused inside you. Handed to the record company three months late and possibly with dubious flecks of white powder on the back of the CD case if Doherty's 'oh so rock'n'roll' girlfriend's studio antics are anything to go by. Miss Moss actually whimpers the verse 'Is she more beautiful than me' in the opening track, a line (excuse the pun) which may have been profound, possibly even heart warming had it not come from someone who is known throughout the globe AS one of the world's most beautiful women, as it does it just comes across as conceited, pointless, let's poke fun at the ugly kids nonsense.

'Is she more beautiful than me?'

'Well obviously not Kate.'

It sounds as if it has been cobbled together by out-takes and almost there's, which also makes some of the tracks mind numbingly frustrating. At times you feel that it is 'almost there', like if Doherty had been able to keep his train of 'befuddled' thought for just 4 or 5 seconds longer he would have uttered a line of whimsical lyrical wit that would have been cast in granite and mounted in Trafalgar Square as testament to the cities ability to produce an endless line of musical talent, but alas it never does, which not only makes it frustrating, but insulting and patronising as well. As sense of, 'that will do, the stupid fuckers will buy it whatever'.

Why anyone would want Mick Jones to produce their album is beyond me, an ageing 'icon' who was once something, who's (if I am perfectly honest to myself) own personal contribution to the culture of this country with The Clash hasn't stood the test of time. But I mean God forbid that a band should take a chance on a new producer? Someone maybe a little more innovative, engaging, well, a little bit more good? Oh no, they couldn't possibly do that, because then you would lose that jingly-jangly recorded in a bin romance that every Babyshambles fan across the country holds so dear on those cold lonely nights when Doherty fails to show for yet another cancelled gig and all that keeps them warm is the £25 tour t-shirt and the urge to try crack cocaine.

I think I am beginning to understand it, shit = good.

© Thomas Rackham 2005